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So if you wanted to be dirty, you would have to look up the word penis or vagina in the encyclopedia and be think to yourself “Oh, I’m so dirty.” And then my friends and I found some porn out in the woods near an old tree fort, stashed under a log and in a Ziploc bag. You start sizing it up, “Yeah, I can stick my dick in that.” Mind you this is all before the internet. So I started sexualizing everything around me, like K-mart ads and any sort of hole in anything I came across. And I was doing it so much I started needing inspiration. First adding spit, then Vaseline and lotions to my dick. A lot.”īack to my 11 year old self, I started getting fancy with this newfound activity. I feel as a guy it is something you should list on your hobbies right up there with drinking fine whiskeys, hiking, reading, and traveling.
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And it worked! I solved the mystery of the throbbing cock, which then started my lifelong passion for masterbation. So after I woke up I went to the bathroom and rubbed it to see if it could make it happen again in real life. It wasn’t the slam that made it do that, it was rubbing back and forth. Turns out, while I was dreaming about my penis, it had leaked some sort of white cream out of it, but even better I knew what to do with my penis. So we rubbed them together until they just exploded all over each other. There was this werewolf and we were wrestling and I got a hard on and noticed he had one, too. Then I had this thing they call a wet dream.
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Doors, furniture, between the toilet seat and the toilet bowl. I’m thought “Okay, but do you think you could have told me what to do with it?!” So for the next few months I “gently” slammed it up against things and put it between anything that had two sides in my moments alone. So the doctor checked it out, saw nothing wrong with it, and just told me to “Be careful with it” and winked at me as he walked out of the room. And I think, for my parents, having to take me to the doctor to get my dick checked out was just karma for circumcising me in the first place. So no wonder I was slamming it around so much trying to make the throbbing boner go away.
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Uncircumcised guys have it so easy, they barely touch the skin and it’s like “Oh, yeah, this is how this works.” But with guys who have a circumcised cock, you just have this big stupid hard thing with nothing to do with it. Today, I blame this whole thing on my parents. It felt weird so I would slam it around on things to try to get it to pop or something.
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You see, I didn’t know how to use my dick, but I knew it had a greater purpose since it kept getting hard. When I was 11, my mom had to take me to the doctor because I was having blood in my urine.